Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
