he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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