I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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