Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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