drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You were trust falling into bushes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize