I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
