i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
