Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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