haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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