drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
a search helicopter?!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
