A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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