I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
