She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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