Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
