I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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