I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
