Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
