anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
