why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
