the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize