hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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