I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
