listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
