I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
