there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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