Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
