I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
