that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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