i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
