just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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