I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize