just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
