i would punch a child for taco bell
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
