I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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