I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
