Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
