I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
