well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
