The best revenge is premature balding
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
