just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
