I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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