Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
