i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
