For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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