You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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