You're completely useless in the revolution.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
