So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
