I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
