So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
