Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
