Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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