I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
