He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
