He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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