I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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