Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize