Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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