I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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