just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
