Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
