On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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