but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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