My room smells like vodka and shame
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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