That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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