belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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