can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize