i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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