Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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