This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
