Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
