dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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