So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
