butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
