Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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