i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
