Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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