even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
mondays should just be called national damage control day
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
