Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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