he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
