I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
