I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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