guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
