dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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