Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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