Just cropdusted the office
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize