I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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