I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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